Enneagram en Ouderschap

Note: Dit artikel schreef ik voor een Engelse krant op st Maarten waar ik een tijd heb gewoond. Ik heb het hier vast in het Engels geplaatst omdat ik het een aardig artikel voor ouders vind. Vertaling volgt.

Enneagram and Parenting

People often worry that their children won’t turn out the way they want them to. Since we don’t choose our kids personalities we often try to force them into one.
One of the most useful areas for parents to become aware of is how we, as parents, are different from our children, the differences of 'fit' between ourselves and our children. Not every child will be an easy fit for every parent. Imagine, two parents, highly sociable, outgoing, extroverted and their child quiet, withdraws, serious, reading books rather than playing outside with friends; the ‘fit’ between parents and child can become rather stressed. The child may unconsciously feel that he or she is a disappointment to the parents, which can cause emotional difficulties for the child. The parents might try to manipulate the child to be more like them. Or they might feel guilty or inadequate for not understanding their child—or even for not completely liking their child.
Differences of  fit between parents and children can become more clearly understood with the Enneagram, a personality model that describes the 9 dominant types of human beings. It is a model for self-growth, for understanding who we are and why we do the things we do.

What tendencies do your kids show?

Does your child have the tendency to be a helper or an adventurer? Or to do the things right, to be an observer or to always want to be special? Does your child want to be in the spotlights or is it the one who takes charge, being the leader? Children at a very young age have already developed a tendency towards a certain type, with certain characteristics, according to the Enneagram authorities.
Let us have a look at a Two-ish child, a Helper and a child with a Four-ish style. Two-children like to do things for others and helping people feel comfortable. These kids try to receive love and approval by performing well. Pleasing others takes energy that could be put into expanding themselves and finding out who they are. Two-ish children ‘know’ exactly what others need, but are often out of touch with their own real desires. We can help them connect with themselves by asking which tastes, colors and smells they prefer. Help them to find out their opinions about chosen subjects. Step by step they can start to understand that they don’t need approval from everyone.
Four-ish children on the other hand, the Romantic types find everyday life boring and tedious; they really want to be seen as special. They like the excitement of participating in the theater, dance, art and music. These kids also enjoy movies, the loveliness of beautiful objects, what they can do with their own imagination and that which is enchanting and mysterious. Emotions can control their lives, drama is never far away. Four-ish children can often feel misunderstood, so it’s important to listen carefully to them, but not to get caught up in their (sometimes) intense feelings.

Knowing yourself helps your child.

We all like to be addressed in a way that suits us. That way is different for all the types. The same goes for our kids: a two-ish child normally needs another approach than a four-ish type. Understanding what type of parent you are makes it easier for you and your child to find more creative ways to better communicate. It is helpful to be aware of this. The Enneagram can be your guide.

Wilt u reageren of meer weten over het Enneagram? Of hebt u een andere vraag?
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